Three Keys to
Encourage Positive
Behavior in Your
Child by Robyn Ladinsky, MSW
Life and Parenting Coach
www.robynladinsky.com

I. Introduction

II. Feelings

III. Discipline



There’s so much excitement when a child is born; all the hopes and dreams. As the

baby grows and begins to explore their world, parents often begin to feel frustrated

and overwhelmed at how to best manage the new behaviors exhibited by their
child. Below, you will find three keys in helping you manage your child’s behavior. You

will learn:

• Why acknowledging and accepting your child’s feelings and perceptions are
vital.

• Why rewards and punishments don’t work.

• What types of discipline does work and why.

• The importance of consistency.

• Where to get started.


parents question those of their children? When someone is feeling upset, the one thing most people want is to be heard and

to have their feelings acknowledged. This allows the pain to be acknowledged

which then leads to one feeling less upset and confused and thus, more able to cope

with one’s feelings and problems. This is true for both children and adults.

DISCIPLINE

Discipline helps parents to communicate respect to their children. It teaches

accountability and helps them to develop a conscience. To do this, a parent will

first need to set appropriate guidelines and limits. When children do not follow these rules, it is the parent’s responsibility to

encourage and inspire their children to improve their behavior. One way to do this

is by implementing appropriate consequences. There are four basic types of consequences: rewards, punishment, natural and

logical.

what she is supposed to do. The reward, in a child’s eye, becomes her right. As a

result, the child can develop an attitude of “What’s in it for me?” which, in regards

to discipline, teaches the child to expect rewards for positive behavior. Parents will often have to raise the value of the reward to keep the positive

behaviors which can often lead to parental frustration. This also leads the child to

only behave appropriately in order to get more things instead of for the reason

parents ultimately want which is because “it’s the right thing to do.” PUNISHMENT



misbehavior. They are often full of thoughts of resentment such as “This is unfair” or “I can’t

trust adults.” Reactions show up in the form of seeking revenge, becoming

rebellious or decreasing their self-esteem. Seeking revenge is when the child wants to “get back” at the person who inflicted

the punishment. One such way is to continue the misbehavior, but with more

intensity or to change misbehaviors to a different kind. Becoming rebellious gives into the thought of “I won’t get caught next time.” This

leads to sneakiness, deceit and power struggles. Decreasing their self-esteem comes as a result of self-defeating thoughts such as

“I’m a bad person,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I’m not good enough.” All of these reactions begin a revenge cycle that sometimes may not be noticed

There are a couple of exceptions where allowing natural consequences to take

place is not okay. These are if the consequence would put the child in danger or if

the behavior would result in interfering with the rights of others.

LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES

Logical consequences are ones that are logically connected to the misbehavior,

CONSISTENCY

When first starting to implement logical consequences instead of rewards and

punishments, your children will test you. It can be difficult, but it is important to

remain calm and firm during this transitional period. You can implement logical

consequences nine times in a row and then not do so the tenth time and you’ll be

back to square one. It’s important to remember that not only are you retraining

your child to behave differently, you are also retraining yourself. Your child needs

to know you mean business.



and energy is spent addressing your child’s misbehavior, then you’re probably not

enjoying each other and having fun. Take a few minutes and fantasize what you

would like things to look like. Be sure to keep it positive and to write it down so

you can look at it often.

SETTING GOALS

Once you have a vision of how you want things to be, it’s time to get specific. One

of the easiest ways to do this is to first make a list of the behaviors you don’t like.

Then, next to each one, rewrite the behavior as if it were what you did want. For

example, the behavior you don’t like is to “stop leaving toys out all over the

house.” The opposite would be “toys to be picked up when they are finished being

played with.”

TRY SOMETHING NEW

If what you’ve been doing was working, you probably would not be reading this

report, so it’s time to try something new. If you have not been acknowledging and

accepting your child’s feelings, then try doing that. If your discipline methods