DICTION
is an attempt to cast a verbal spell over the job of quality
control in a watch factory. This is shorter, simpler, and
clearer:
A worker checks the watch's accuracy.
Confusion about the subject also leads to wordiness:
Music is similar to dress fads in that its styles change from time to
time. Perhaps the change is subtle, but no one style of music will
remain on top for a very long time. am not talking about classical
music, but rather about popular music that appeals to the majority
of young people.
This writer did not begin with word specific enough his
subject. He chose too general a term ("music"). The final
sentence reveals that he himself felt the problem, for he spends
twenty words explaining what kind of music he means. How
much easier to have begun
Popular music is similar to dress fads. . . .
Sometimes deadwood stems from ignorance of words.
That's the problem here:
In this novel, part of the theme is stated directly in so many words,
and part is not so much said in specific words but is more or less
hinted at.
Had the writer known the terms explicit and implicit he could
have made the point more clearly and concisely:
In this novel, part of the theme is explicit, and part is implicit.
A limited vocabulary is no disgrace. We all suffer that hand-
icap, and education is the process of overcoming it. But while
it may be pardonable, not knowing the right word often re-
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CONCISION
suits in obscurity deadwood. It helps to keep a list of

DICTION
Nucleonics investigates the smaller particles that go to make up the
nucleus of the atom.
BETTER: . .. that make up the nucleus of the atom.
A special case of empty verb strings is the awkward passive
construction. The focus of thought or tact may make the pas-
sive voice necessary. Generally, however, you should write in
the active voice. Overuse of the passive lards sentences with
empty words:
The writer's point must be clearly stated by him at the beginning
of the paragraph.
BETTER: The writer must clearly state his point at the beginning of
the paragraph.
The work must be done by her by tomorrow.
BETTER: She must do the work by tomorrow.
(In the last example, however, note that if one wished to em-
phasize "work," the passive would be justified.)
The Best Is Concise and Direct
In practice this principle often boils down to not using a
phrase if a word will do:
She conducted herself in an irrational manner.
BETTER: She conducted herself irrationally.
BETTER YET: She acted irrationally.
He didn't take the advice given to him by his doctor.
BETTER: He didn't take his doctor's advice.
leaves us with the thought that. ...
BETTER: leaves us thinking that....
A common kind of adjectival wordiness is using a full rel-
ative clause to introduce a participle or adjective that could
be attached directly to the noun:

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DICTION
Specificity Means Concision
Beginning with a word too general for your idea creates a
need for wordy modification:
People who enter college for the first time find it difficult to adjust
to the teaching.
"People" is too inclusive. To specify what kind of "people,"
the writer must add seven words. English provides no single
term meaning "people who enter college for the first time"
(except matriculants, a Latinism too forbidding for this
writer's purpose). Students, however, would be more precise
than people, and freshmen, more precise still (even though
second-semester freshmen are not, strictly speaking, entering
college for the first time). With freshmen only one modifier
is needed:
College freshmen find it difficult to adjust to the teaching.
While most frequent with nouns, failure to be specific oc-
curs with verbs as well:
The sudden change motivated him into a rage.
BETTER: The sudden change enraged him.
They emerged victorious.
BETTER: They won.
The too-general verb is often a form of he, have, or seem.
When these merely link a noun or modifier to the subject,
they can often be replaced by a more exact verb:
The people were supportive of conservation.
BETTER: The people supported conservation.
Officers have to have a knowledge their men.
BETTER: Officers have to know their men.