Steps to writing well_3 - pdf 21

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129
CHAPTER 6 - EFFECTIVE SENTENCES


Wordy prose is frequently the result of using one or more of the following:
(1) deadwood constructions, (2) redundancies, (3) pretentious diction.


Avoid Deadwood Constructions
Always try to cut empty “deadwood” from your sentences. Having a clear,
concise style does not mean limiting your writing to choppy, childish Dick-
and-Jane sentences; it only means that all unnecessary words, phrases, and
clauses should be deleted. Here are some sentences containing common dead-
wood constructions and ways they may be pruned:

Poor The reason the starving novelist drove 50 miles to a new restaurant
was because it was serving his favorite chicken dish, Pullet Sur-
prise. [“The reason . . . was because” is both wordy and ungram-
matical. If you have a reason, you don’t need a “reason because.”]
Revised The starving novelist drove 50 miles to a new restaurant because
it was serving his favorite chicken dish, Pullet Surprise.

Poor The land settlement was an example where my client, Ms. Patti O.
Furniture, did not receive fair treatment.
Revised The land settlement was unfair to my client, Ms. Patti O. Furniture.

Poor Because of the fact that his surfboard business failed after only a
month, my brother d



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