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THE SECRET
LANGUAGE
OF BUSINESS
How to Read Anyone
in 3 Seconds or Less
KEVIN HOGAN
John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
v
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Praise for TheSecretLanguageofBusiness
“If you want to communicate more powerfully, influence with greater impact,
and lead more effectively, you will want to read this book. Packed with
research and real-world application, The Secret Language of Business will help
you in far more than business. Use it, and the information in this book can
change your life.”
—Kevin Eikenberry, author of Remarkable Leadership: Unleashing
Your Leadership Potential One Skill at a Time
“A revealing tour through the fine points of the ‘nonconscious’ mind, and
how little details make all the difference! This book is an authoritative shortcut
to using powerful nonverbal communication skills to read others, and, to send
intentional and deeply effective messages to get the results you want.”
—David Garfinkel, author of Advertising Headlines That Make You Rich
“Ninety-three percent of your effectiveness is determined by your nonverbal
cues. Kevin Hogan divulges what you’re unconsciously communicating and
decodes what others are revealing about themselves. Read this book before
you ask for a raise. Hide this book from your vendors. The Secret Language of
Business will give you an unfair business advantage as clients’ inner thoughts

C

2008 by Kevin Hogan. All rights reserved.
Published by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in
any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or
otherwise, except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright
Act, without either the prior written permission of the Publisher, or authorization through
payment of the appropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222
Rosewood Drive, Danvers, MA 01923, (978) 750-8400, fax (978) 646-8600, or on the web at
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Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their best
efforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to the
accuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any implied
warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created
or extended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies
contained herein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional
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other commercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Chapter 1 Takeaways 14
Chapter 1 Worksheet 15
2 The Power of the Secret Language of Business 17
Why Should You Care about Body Language? 18
Chapter 2 Takeaways 32
Chapter 2 Worksheet 33
3 Elements of Body Language 35
Eyes 37
Face 40
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x
Contents
Gestures 42
Touch 46
Posture 49
Movement 50
Appearance 51
Vo ic e 5 4
Chapter 3 Takeaways 56
Chapter 3 Worksheet 57
4 Context and Environment 59
How Context and Environment Influence Body
Language 60
Same Body Language, Different Perceptions 69
When Body Language and Context Are in Conflict 70
Chapter 4 Takeaways 75
Chapter 4 Worksheet 75
5 Proxemics: The Secret Language of Business . . .
Up Close 77

Intimacy 118
The Complex Formula for Succeeding in Getting
Attention from the Opposite Sex 120
Separation 123
Chapter 7 Takeaways 124
Chapter 7 Worksheet 125
8 The Secret Language of Inf luence in Business 127
The Business Environment 129
Meetings 132
Selling 134
Hiring 136
Peer to Peer 138
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Contents
Manager to Subordinate 139
Chapter 8 Takeaways 140
Chapter 8 Worksheet 141
9 Secret Language of the Sexes 143
The Differences between Men and Women 145
Gender Differences in Sending 147
Gender Differences in Receiving 148
Navigating through the Differences 149
Chapter 9 Takeaways 151
Chapter 9 Worksheet 152
10 Back Home with the Kids 155
The Parental Role 157
Newborns and Infants 161
Toddlers and Preschoolers 162
School-age 163

Politics 209
Everyday Life 210
Chapter 13 Takeaways 211
Chapter 13 Worksheet 212
Bibliography 215
The Body Language Home Study Course 217
Need a Speaker for Your Company or Convention’s Next Meeting? 218
Index 219
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Acknowledgments
T
hanks to Matt Holt, “my” editor, and John Wiley & Sons, Inc.
The staff at Cape Cod Compositors, too. Thanks also go to the
people in my life who make it better. Michelle Drum Matteson, Lisa
McLellan, Jennifer Battaglino, Ken Owens, Mark Ryan, Bob Beverley,
Blair Warren, Scott and Carmen Schluter, Devin and Rachel Hastings.
Thanks to my Inner Circle for making me better at what I do. Bryan
Lenihan, Paul Thomas, Gary May, JJ Austrian, Sonya Lenzo, Steve
Chambers, Craig Ernst, John Bedosky, Eliot Hoppe, April Braswell,
Jimmy Slagle, Gail Hurt, Phil Hamilton, Duane Cunningham, Erwin
van den Boogaard, Michael Neumann, Luis Lopez, Phil Graves, Sami
Miettinen, and Aleta Batz.
xv
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Introduction
W

You want to be able to read what kind of people they are from
looking at them and the things around them.
And, maybe most importantly, you want to make the right and
best impression you can on others, especially the first time you meet
them.
There is a widespread hunger for accurate information on this
subject, but few, if any, resources combine the facts with useful practical
applications.
And that’s why I wrote this book.
This book is designed to help you wade through the external
noise and confusion of other resources and focus on the informa-
tion that is most relevant to your needs. It is not strictly academic,
nor is it strictly self-help. It is a combination of these two things
that will take you through all of the most important aspects of
nonverbal communication and how it influences every part of your
daily life.
I’ve devoured a lot of nonverbal communication material over the
last two decades.
As far as this book is concerned, it’s hard to know when to say
“when.”
A lot of people want to know what every gesture and movement
means.
As you will find out, even the person performing the gesture or
behaving in a certain way typically doesn’t know what the gesture
means.
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Introduction
xix
Getting past how the brain works (which we will only touch on
here) and how it directs most of nonverbal communication, we’ll talk

Introduction
Research is abundantly clear that women stereotype more accurately than
men do. Women “get people” better than men do. It’s not a close
contest. (Except when it comes to deception where men perform as
well as women do and stereotype the deceptive behaviors of others as
well as women do.)
Prejudice is prejudging people.
That’s what reading people is all about.
Breathe
Neither of these actions is encouraged in society because they can
lead people to behave unkindly toward others.
There’s nothing “nice” or “mean” about reading body language
and nonverbal communication. It’s not good or bad, it’s simply reading
and interpreting.
It’s a very real-life experience.
For better or worse, you must be effective at making generaliza-
tions and prejudging.
That said, I’m not encouraging prejudice from a behavioral stand-
point.
In other words, just because someone is black or white, male or
female doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hire them or date them.
It means there are characteristics that are often correlated with
others of the same skin color, gender, religion, school affiliation, and
so forth, typically within a given culture.
In other words, you probably won’t find gangsta rap popular in
Nigeria, Haiti, or in the Australian outback. It’s not the skin color, it’s
how people are drawn to each other in a culture by their similarities
and then how they bond as a community.
Culture is huge in understanding nonverbal communication.
Within a culture, sometimes those correlations are cause/effect.

I ultimately guided three of these events. Two in Minneapolis and
one in Seattle.
What I learned was fascinating.
1. Women wanted to date far fewer men than the number of
women men were willing to date. (We’re so much more
flexible and accommodating ordesperate.)
2. Ninety-three percent of women told me that they knew in
the first 30 seconds whether they would be willing to date
the person again.
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Introduction
3. Almost as many men said they knew “right away,” “instantly,”
“within three seconds.”
4. The more people someone wanted to date, the fewer people
wanted to date (usually) him.
The lessons of those three evenings are many and could fill a book
themselves.
But for now, realize that I thought these people were prejudging
each of their dates that night.
And then I realized I may not have been correct.
Perhaps we know our yardstick very well and do know in three
seconds.
The Secret Language of Business is nonverbal communication,
but nonverbal communication is not simply body language. You’ll
find out more shortly.
You will read about the very basics of body language and the
power it has to influence attitudes, actions, and outcomes. You will
learn about the key elements of body language and how they in-
fluence communication, as well as the effects of the things people