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Fax: (61 2) 9906 2218
Email:
Web: www.allenandunwin.com
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry:
Dooley, Sean, 1968- .
Anoraks to Zitting Cisticola : a whole lot of stuff about birdwatching.
1st ed.
ISBN 9781741752724 (pbk.).
1. Bird watching – Miscellanea. 2. Bird watching – Humor.
3. Bird watchers – Miscellanea. 4. Bird watchers – Humor.
I. Title.
598.07234
Author photo by Greg Elms
Edited by Sarah Brenan
Cover design by Matt Clare
Text design and layout by Pauline Haas
Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To that lone, lost Glossy Ibis that turned up at Seaford
Swamp when I was in Grade Six. Without the sheer
thrill of seeing you from the schoolyard fence that
lunchtime, none of this would ever have eventuated.
This page intentionally left blank
~ 1 ~
The bayside suburb of St Kilda has long been seen as
Melbourne’s seedy underbelly, the equivalent of Sydney’s
King’s Cross, London’s Soho, or New York’s Times Square.
But as with most of those locations, a decade or two of
gentrification has dimmed the red lights somewhat; these

to the uncomplicated joy of watching birds that first got me
into birding as a kid. But merely looking at a bird does not
equate to birdwatching. If I were just bird-looking, the parrot
I am looking at eye-to-eye would be a random pretty creature
in a world of creatures, but because of my birdwatching
I know it is a Musk Lorikeet. And furthermore, I know that it
and its companions have come into this urban environment
because the drought has dried up the supply of eucalypt
nectar in the woodlands where they would normally reside
at this time of year. By the process of identifying these Musk
Lorikeets – giving a name to them – the encounter somehow
becomes more meaningful, because I can now put the
experience in some sort of context. To borrow the hideously
reductive phrase of the economist, being a birdwatcher has
value added to my viewing of these birds.
One might suspect that with all this awareness there is a
danger I could become just a little bit smug; after all, nobody
else in the car park is having the same insight into this
parallel world happening in their midst. But any superiority
I may be feeling is countered by an awareness of another
sort, one that I often get while birding, particularly when it is
somewhere so public. To the ordinary civilian, I look like an
WELCOME TO BIRDWATCHING 2
~ 2 ~
absolute dill standing there in a suburban car park gawping
up into a tree.
Birdwatching can be an absolutely fantastic hobby. It
brings many, many personal rewards. Freedom from public
embarrassment, however, is certainly not one of them.
I have been acutely aware of this since my first day at high

trying to break the record for seeing the most species of bird
in the one year. I thought I had penned everything I would
ever want to write about birds, birdwatchers and birdwatching
and that I could move on with my life unburdened and finally
understood. I imagined I would never again have to answer
another question about my birdwatching addiction because
I had, I believed, explained it all.
Within the first week of the book coming out I realised
just how wrong I was. Rather than freeing me from my birding
past, since publication I have been condemned to repeat it,
spending more time explaining my obsession with birds than
I had in the previous twenty years. I had outed myself as a
birder and it turns out that there were a whole lot of bird-
curious people closeted away who had all sorts of pent-up
questions they wanted answered: What do you actually do?
What are the mechanics of it? Do you need to wear a special
costume? Does it hurt the first time you do it?
So this book is for all of you out there who have ever
thought that birdwatching may be for you. I have tried to
answer all your burning questions about birdwatching. Not
the standard stuff like how to tell a Lemon-bellied Flycatcher
from a Grey Whistler at fifty paces, but the useful gen that
the field guides won’t tell you: how to look cool in an anorak
(answer: it’s impossible); identification tips on recognising
someone with Birdy-nerdy Syndrome and how to avoid being
trapped at a party with them; how to fool a rarities committee;
what is the correct birding etiquette for puking over the side
of a boat while out seabirding; when is it appropriate to take
a pish in polite company; right down to what the hell is a
Zitting Cisticola, and is it contagious? You know, all the really

years birding experience you are probably not going to
read about what a chook is. I therefore recommend that
all readers turn to the ‘Q’ section and try out the quiz. The
results will place you into one of three categories: twitcher
(hard-core, fanatical birder), birdwatcher (someone with a
general interest in birds) or dude (a total novice).
~ 6 ~
The cheat’s guide to using this book
For dudes
If you fell into the dude category, reading the following five
entries will give you a good general introduction to both this
book and the world of the birdwatcher:
Binoculars (page 21)
Birdy-nerdy Syndrome (page 32)
Field guides, how to use them (page 77)
Gonads (page 87)
List (page 129)
For birdwatchers
For those of you whom the quiz designated as birdwatchers,
I’d suggest reading the following entries:
Binoculars, care (page 22)
Captain Twitchpants (page 40)
List of lists (page 132)
Nudity (page 152)
Uncle Trevor (page 237)
For twitchers
And if you are deemed to be a twitcher, your family has my
deepest sympathy. You may, however, find these entries of
particular interest:
Binoculars, as fashion accessories (page 24)

expedition, it may be a vomit stain from a previous boat trip
– whatever its origin, that stain establishes your credentials
as a hard-core birder (see PELAGIC).
Wearing anoraks that are bright yellow or fluoro orange
is just not on (see CAMOUFLAGE), unless you want to say
~ 8 ~
to the world that you are a seriously hard-core birder who
goes out on seas so rough and dangerous in order to watch
birds that there is every chance you may be swept overboard
and need an outfit that can be spotted by search-and-rescue
aircraft. This ploy doesn’t work if you are in fact catching
the ferry to Rottnest Island in order to tick off Common
Pheasant and Peafowl; being introduced birds, these are
hardly deemed risking your life for (see
PLASTICS).
ACTION:
When acquiring an anorak, make sure to
get one with lots of pockets. They come in handy for
storing all sorts of things like notebooks, field guides
and (most importantly) handfuls of food so that you don’t
have to go below deck on a pelagic trip where seasickness
is almost guaranteed (see SEASICKNESS).
Asbirders Syndrome / a little-known offshoot of
Asperger’s Syndrome only recently discovered
by researchers at the Big Twitch Institute.
Also known as
Birdy-nerdy Syndrome
, it goes
by the scientific name
Dorkus ornithologus

never came. Then it hit me. Sure, birders had all gone out
and bought my book, but that didn’t mean they actually
bothered to read it. Ignoring all that boring story crap,
they had turned straight to the list at the end to see where
I saw Carpentarian Grasswren, or whether I managed to get
Papuan Flowerpecker in the Torres Strait.
So, if you’re still not sure whether or not you are an
Asbirders sufferer, why not take the following quick quiz,
opposite, for a bit of self-diagnosis?
ACTION:
If you are trapped in a conversation with an
Asbirder, simply start talking about your feelings. That
should shut them up instantly.
ASBIRDERS SYNDROME
~ 10 ~
1
Does it bother you that Anorak
and Asbirders appear before
Albatr
oss in this chapter, even
though they don’t come before
albatross alphabetically?
A: Yes.
B: No.
C: I am skipping this quiz and going
to the bit about albatrosses.
2
Which causes you more
confusion: the wing structure
of golden plovers, or working out

Somebody is looking at you
with their brow furrowed and
the corner of their mouth turned
down as you talk to them. What
does the way they look make
you think?
A: They are unhappy with you
because you have spent the last
twenty minutes talking about
the nesting Brown G
oshawks
you have been monitoring.
B: They are unhappy with you
because they too would like to
see the Brown Goshawks at
the nest.
C: They look like a Brown Goshawk.
Give yourself 10 points for every
time you answered (c), 5 points for
every (b) and no points for (a).
ASBIRDERS SYNDROME
DIY IDENTIFICATION

ASBIRDERS SYNDROME QUIZ
YOUR SCORE:
25–50 points: You definitely have
Asbirders. But don’t worry, though
you may be socially isolated, you
probably have a good job in some
field like engineering or computer

kilometres long behind an ocean-going trawler. The albatross
are attracted by the baited hooks floating on the surface.
They latch onto the bait, get caught by the hooks and are
dragged under and drowned when the line eventually sinks.
In some albatross populations, this has reduced numbers by
up to 85 per cent in less than twenty years.
This should be one of the easiest conservation problems
to solve by means of simple measures such as setting the lines
at night, putting weights on the line, or even unfreezing the
bait before it is set so that it sinks more quickly. However,
the legal fishing industry has been slow to address the issue
and, with so many illegal boats out there, it is going to be an
incredibly hard job to reverse the trend.
ACTION:
There is a concerted campaign led by Birdlife
International to help try and save the albatross. Further
details can be found on the websites:
www.birdlife.org/action/campaigns/save_the_albatross
www.savethealbatross.net
ALBATROSS
~ 12 ~
Armchair ticks
/ not an affliction, and not birds
literally seen from an armchair, but birds that
are added to a birder’s list after the event due
to taxonomic or other changes (see
CHECKLIST,
TICK
).
There are people who really do birdwatch from a chair, both

scientific knowledge – but not if all those records stay locked
in your head, or on the notebooks on your shelf. You’re
probably thinking you’ll get around to sorting through
all your records ‘one day’. Let’s face it, it’s never going to
happen, and when you die, your family are going to hire a
big skip to throw all your notebooks into, along with all your
newspapers, fast-food table napkins and Bachman-Turner
Overdrive albums.
But be warned, if you are going to submit records of your
sightings to the Atlas, they will (shock horror) be subjected
to a vetting process. For some birders, even the mere thought
that they could be put under any sort of scrutiny is a mortal
wound to their proud reputation. Some birders simply do
not like to be questioned, despite the verification process
being for the sake of scientific accuracy. They refuse to
countenance that they could ever make a mistake, even if it
was merely a transcription error on the Atlas form.
These are the types who thunder against what they see as
self-appointed snooty experts such as Birds Australia as being
examples of the ‘Birding Police’ whose mission seems to be
to bring down the enjoyment of the innocent birdwatcher
just trying to enjoy their hobby. It makes me wonder what
else the Birding Police must get up to. Are they the ones
pulling cars over on lonely country roads and asking, ‘Excuse
me driver, how many birds have you seen this evening?’ Or
perhaps they are the ones monitoring safe birdwatching
facilities or setting up controversial new heron trials to help
deal with the epidemic of birdwatching addiction sweeping
the country.
ATLAS

it again!
Based on membership figures for birding organisations,
out of a population of 20 million, Australia has around
10 000 people who would call themselves birdwatchers. This
AUSTRALIA
~ 15 ~
is a whopping 0.05 per cent of the Australian population,
though as some of the major bird books have sold over
40 000 copies, there are probably a lot more people out there
with at least a passing interest in birds.
By way of comparison, membership of the RSPB,
Britain’s peak birding organisation is around 1.1 million, or
about 1.8 per cent of the population. In Australia this would
equate to 360 000 birders roaming our swamps, forests and
sewage farms, which would be a great boon for the cause
of conservation and eco-tourism, but those curmudgeonly
birders (like myself) who like to go birdwatching for the
birds, not the birdwatchers, would have to switch to even
more obscure pastimes such as snail wrangling, collecting
toenail clippings or voting for the Democrats.
Australian Capital Territory
/ with Canberra at its
centre, the ACT is home to both our national
government and video porn industry, both of
which allow Australians to watch other people
rooting things.
The ACT is often overlooked as a stopover on the birding
trail, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some good birds
to be had; around 280 species have been seen, including
highlights such as Superb Lyrebird, Speckled Warbler, Glossy

exist because at some time in late March or
early April the climate suddenly goes from hot
and wet one day to hot and dry the next.
In the south, by the beginning of March most spring and
summer breeders have raised their young, and are pretty
quiet, though if it has been a good wet season up north,
or there have been big thunderstorms in the outback, the
breeding season may be in full swing. This can be the best
time to visit the Centre, as there is a flush of activity and the
temperatures, while still capable of reaching 40 degrees, are
generally far more bearable than the unrelenting, searing
summer heat.
AUTUMN
~ 17 ~
Autumn is when the migrants head off. The waders
gather in massive flocks for a last pre-flight feast in departure-
lounge areas such as Broome and the Gulf of Carpentaria (see
WADER). Many bush birds slip off to their wintering grounds
in north Queensland, New Guinea and beyond. Others, such
as Yellow-faced and other honeyeaters, put on quite a show
as they make their way up the east coast, sometimes in very
large numbers. Winter migrants start to make their move:
Flame Robins come down from the mountains and Double-
banded Plovers arrive from New Zealand, while Orange-
bellied and Swift Parrots, along with some other Tassie birds,
make the treacherous Bass Strait crossing.
As the nights grow shorter and the days cooler, the
weather patterns for much of the country are far more settled
and it feels as if the bird population is taking a deep breath
before the onset of winter. It feels like a time of calm reflection