English Teacher: "Johnny, the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch. What time is
it?"
Johnny: "2 o'watch."
Submitted by Jing Wen
A young man comes before a customs agent.
A: "State your citizenship."
B:"American" (pronounced with a Spanish accent).
A: "Hold on there, buddy. Say that again."
B: "I sed American."
A: "I'm going to give you a test."
B: "No, no senor, no need for test, I tell you I"m American."
A: "Yeah, sure buddy. OK, let's see, ... I've got it. Make a sentence with the following colors:
green, pink and yellow."
B: "Oh senor, I tell you I'm American. But OK, let's see... I was at my bruder-in-laws house and the
phone went 'green, green, I pinked it up and sed yellow!"
Submitted by Carlos Manuel Hernandez
My student who did not speak much English wanted to impress me one day. She had to walk past
me while I was talking to someone. She said, "Excuse me, can I pass away?"
Submitted by Amelia
The day of the oral exam:
Teacher: Are you nervous?
Student: No, I am not. I am single.
Teacher: Is this your pencil?
Student: Yes, I am a pencil.
Teacher: What are you wearing?
Student: I am fat.
Anecdote -- presented to me, by a student, as a true story
(might be used for introducing a phonology lesson):
The teacher was beginning the lesson and noticed a student dozing.
She said sharply, "Taro, are you _ready_?"
Taro, jolted to attention, replied, "No! I'm _man_!"